Hurt & Missing piece

It hurts so freaking bad and I am so not freaking ok.

It has been more than a month and still, I feel like a part of me is missing.


So afraid to admit that you had become part of me, the problem is you were long gone and well... I miss that part of me!


It keeps getting worse and worse... I miss you more and more each day.
But I know you think of me less and less as hour goes by.



How do I survive this? Why can't I just hate you? Why are you haunting me?
What do I have to do to forget?

I just wanna let go.


Speaking of which, letting go had never been a problem for me. But with you, everything is different.

Maybe, a part of me knew that you would hurt me this badly since we first met. That is why it kept rejecting you. And yet you kept trying. At the end, the part was convinced that it was ok to let you in. But in reality, it never is ok.


And I was hurt, over and over again. I got weaker as time goes by. And when I needed you the most, you weren't there for me.


:(
...I cry almost every night...

Miss you . . .

If i admit that I miss you, does it mean that I lose?

Nah, it does not.


It might used to be like that when we were little kids; giving up silence and admitting something that the two of us do not want to.

But once you grow up, the line using to define whether you win or lose is not as clear. In fact, where is that line?


Despite all of that above, I am not saying that I want you back in my life. I just miss having the old version of you beside me.

I miss having you on the phone during late night when I want to bitch about thing that I could never tell anyone else.

I miss the way you comfort me with your warm hug when I feel so down.

I miss your serious face assuring me that I am not fat when I worry because I had been eating too much.

I miss those tender kisses on my cheek and the way you giggle when I give you pretend-to-be-mad face

...I miss everything about you.

What I really want you to know is not all those, I want you to know that you HAD ALWAYS BEEN WRONG and I HAD ALWAYS BEEN RIGHT.

And people DO change, including you.

I still care about you, no matter how much I do not want to. But it does not matter.

Nothing matters anymore.