bad luck

I thought I was turning 25... --"

Been  ซวย ชิบ หาย a little bit there and then.







-,-

Forward....Backward

Why ? Why doing this to me?
Why can't you just believe in us a little bit more than this?


Mayb... you are just another coward.

Mayb... I just don't give a shit about what could go wrong.


You pushed me forward; from being a just-like-sis into a just-like-girlfriend.
Now you are pushing me backward; from being a just-like-girlfriend into a just-like-sis, just exactly what I used to be.

I told you, I had told you many times before taking the step, before turning from sis into date, that being in a relationship would NEVER work for us.
Still, you didn't listen to me. You tried every possible way to convince me, to manipulate me, to make me believe that it was the right thing to do.
And when things started to get so creepy, you got scared and wanted to give up.

Yet, you still are selfish enough to want me beside you, as your sister...like nothing has happened.
(And yes...you made me cried again, on Nov30 night. How many times do you want me to cry for you?)


Remember?
You were the one to tell me that things change.
So how possibly could we be the same? How possibly could I do that?


I know I should have completely cut you out of my life.
But I am not strong enough...after what I have just been through.
So I let you keep me beside you for a little while...until I get strong enough.
And trust me, you will never be able to hurt me again.



There are some particular lines we can't cross no matter what, and you just did.
Hope you enjoy the consequences of your decision. Like the last one you had made before, a few months ago.


...I really do hope that this is a right path to choose. I seriously do.

JJ B-day :D

HAPPY B DAY TO JJ :DDDDDDDDD

Now you officially are 18 years old (which means ---------- alcoholic stuff 5555)


------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Lst week went to Khao Yai, awesome to the max.
Remind me how important friends are.
Sat - Daily home, Primo Posto, Khao Yai Kitchen, BannSaengDeun, Palio
Sun - Rai Somboon, Chokchai Steak house

Ended up so exhausted (which mean didnt go to loi kratong on Sun)
guess it was the period mixed up w oldness 555

Let's Sea ;D Khoa Yai

Finally, I got a really good deal for Let's Sea Hotel @ Hua Hin.

Thx goddddd, I finally found someone who was willing to sell me a voucher for both room and z-luxe benefit.


Two of these are cost around 5k only! Normally, without this voucher it would be around 8.5k for moondeck --"



Yeah, I don't earn that much of money yet, 8.5 k is too expensive 5555.



And this weekend I'm going to Khao Yai with girlies, can't wait

Headache =(

Had a pretty scary morning.

I guess it leaded to having headache since almost noon.


Hope everything gets better soon.



I don't think I would be able to hold it any longer.

Shit does happen...!!!

Aw.......... I screwed up.

Shit has happened and............ it is not ended yet!



The partner knows......... my AD knows

rumor has been spreading so freakin quick.



Still....... i jst want this to be what I hv to pay for other karma I previously have committed.
AND, let me pass TAX since I have repaid all on this shit already.


please??




PS. He jst told me that "I LOVE you" again...last night

u n defined

UNDEFINED is opposite to defined.

It is hard to be able to define everything.
Because sometimes, thing gets blurry.

Would you define two persons going out together every now and then as a couple?
I guess... going out (esp not that often) can't help defining those two as a couple.
Not to mention that those two get to talk less...and less.
Plus, neither of them has ever made it clear that one wants to be in a relationship.

Vague and hard to define...
which makes the bottom line undefined


But this is how life goes I suppose?

Increased!

There are two different results of increasing;

first......... pls don't! cudn't it be decreased instead? >> for example......... weight! tada lol

Second...pls keep increasing more and moreeeeeeee >> Like.................. SALARY and BONUS :D

Yep, I got promoted and got my salary increased 1.4x, so goooooooooooood

I am very happy, plus the bonus is nice.

Oh, jst keep in mind that Moon Bar @ Baan Yan Tree is sooooooooooo good!

Scared...?

Hv you ever felt so scared that you cry?


I just did... and I unintentionally cried.
I CRIED for no reason? hm actually for some reasons that don't seem to be reasons for some ppl for you to cry.


How could he come up like that?
I mean I trusted him...so much that it caught me completely off guard.


I cried and I was shaking. I don't know whether it was because of anger or something else, or maybe those mixed together?



Now I know why we can never let our guards off.


We have to always be ready people, keep your armors ready if you wanna win the battle!

three crazy words

These three crazy words should not come from a guy who you don't plan to date/are not dating/never dated.


Right............


The guys told me that " I love you".

Damnnnnnnn........... what did he expect me to say??

I TOLD him that he could be my brother, big brother... NOT a boyfriend!



This is hard for me -,- and i am being paranoid again... as usual?



ANW, he CUD love me like a sister. It would never work for us, it WILL never work.



I'll quit being paranoid now. And i am not cruel to say no, i am jst being honest.

Why would other ppl say that i am cruelllllllllllll --"



Fine, i'll stop it now.



*take a deep breath* Everything is going to be fine...

...what?

Have you ever heard such a very unexpected phrase that you are not sure whether you have heard it right so you have to say "WHAT??"?

Situation like this has happened to me many times... but yesterday night, it was soooooooo "what?".


He (the one you know who) (who had already chose not to be with me) confessed
(after he kept beating around the bush for like half and hour so i got tired and I forced him to say it)
that ........... in his opinion, I am still very attractive and he regretted what he had said on that night.
He asked me what if that night, he asked me out instead, would I go?

So I told him that he did not get to know the answer since he had made a choice, then he had to bear with all the consequences even he wished he could turn back time and edit what already had been done.


Another interesting thing is that he told me that whenever he smells my Jo Malone, his heart beats faster. whoaaa lol I didn't expect that.


Enough with the blabbering, the bottom line is he wanted to chose me, and he wanna know whether he could or not.




Welllllllllllllllllll................ a little too late?
yep, I said no. All he gets to be is my big brother.
Leave it or take it. He took the offer anyway, even though he wanted more.



I really like having him around, I could be opened-up. I like it.
But i don't want to hv him as a boyfriend (well, at least not anymore)

So........... BIG BROTHER, welcome to the family ;D



wait, am I being selfish??
am I torturing him?? (or he deserves this??)


w h a t e v e r . . . 

Unexpected outcome...

Things do not always turn out as planned.
If the outcome is better than the expectation, we are happy.
...if not, we are sad.

But sometimes, it jst catch you off guard.

Like this time... off guard, but in a good way.


On Wednesday that we first met after what happened on the night, not choosing meeeeeeeeeee!
We were doing fine, we cud talk, we cud laugh... but it was a bit awkward.

And on wed night, he unexpectedly BBed me.
He was the one starting the conversation; talking abt my shoppin', ice-cream n chocolate consuming, and how i was doing.
Then he told me abt the dress i wore; he liked it very much!
so I changed the topic. it was hm... not proper anw.

Then he said that we need to talk, on Thursday night after work.



We talked on the following night, it was good.
We talked since 7 till 8 ish.
Now he officially is my elder brother. Even though it is so obvious that he is still sooo not over me.


whatever, i don't care cuz i'm so over him and it is so yesterday.
I am pretty happy, an elder brother is gooooooooooooooooooood, at least he has to help me whenever I need one. oh, i like the idea very much. ;D


I'm done with cloth shopping, not i'm more the type of skin-care freakkk... yep i want my skin to be greattttttttttttt!



Cheers to my brand-new elder bro and my skin caresssssssssssss!

Girls' BFF!

Everyone needs to hv BFF, even a loner!

We may not need our bff that much during our I-am-doing-just-fine period.
Because yeah... we are doing fine, we are happy............... we don't need a shoulder to cry on.

But every now and then, we all need them, esp for girls.
Turned out I was not so lucky on finding a shoulder to cry on.


Well... I got my heart broken on Friday midnight and ...
 - my dearest sister IS (and was during that time) in Tokyo, Japan. All we could do was... talking, no hugging and padding on my back!
 - my currently number 1 bff was at Chaingmai... being so sick that talking caused her so much pain. X(
 - my currently number 2 bff IS (and was) in Dalain, China. She already has a lot going on in her life... a lot worse than me so I didn't want to bother her.
 - my jst-like-irresponsible-crazy-brother bff, who during this period is going through a lot too! Drama at work, stupid boss, crazy girlfriend and so on......
 - my most beautiful bff, who has a ton of tests and exams coming up. She is currently in med school, I don't want to waste her time on me blabbing abt jerk.
 - my tomboy bff, who also is in a med school and hates jerks to the max, i better not tell her abt that or she wud try convincing me to date a girl --"

So i guessed that I had to deal with it all by myself............ i'm strong u know lol It's not gonna be hard.
That what I thought that night after crying for 15 mins.
Then I went to bed with a pint of green-tea huggen daaz.


I was fine (during I was asleep, in fact I got a good night sleep == 5 hours). But then, when I woke up at 6 am in the morning, I jst felt like crying.........shit, I cried.


So I forced my number 1 bff who is currently sick to talk to me (i'm sorry, poor u! )
And I felt better...... a little bit better.


I decided that I needed to go shopping, it would be the only cure.
HELL YES, IT WORKED!
(Even though, I think I did too much of shopping)
I am HAPPY!!!!!!!!!!!!


Things got better, I was almost fine.
So I consumed ice-cream and chocolate.

and things got better again.


But still, I was not fine...


That was the reason I needed to do more of shopping on Sunday following by Monday.
Oh, not to forget abt haggen daaz, crepes and waffles.


And now I really am fine ;D (but of course, I'm poor --")

So thx to my BFFs; shopping, ice cream, chocolate, and sissy plus number1 bff.



What I want to say is, we hv to be able to be on your own, even when we are in such a depressing stage.
And we hv to believe that we are getting better and we are going to be fine.


I'm not saying that it doesn't hurt... it still hurts.
But sometimes we jst hv to ignore it and live a happy life.
(at least we hv ice cream and chocolate, no need to be afraid)

Nothing lasts forever!

I got my heart broken --"

End of story!








it hurts!
but i'll be fine!
and i am GETTIING BETTER!!

GREAT news

;DDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDD

I am HAPPY! HAPPY TO THE MAXXXXXXXXX!


It was just announced earlier in this morning, the test results on CPA exams.
I passed two subjects (yes, i planned on passing two of these) and I PASSSSSSSSSSSSSSS
Bye bye Acct1 and Acct2!!!


Another thing is I also have someone who I could make a call and share this awesome news.

Two good things at the same time.


I don't know how long it's going to last, the lucky in game and lucky in love.
Cuz I can't really have both of them at the same time. ;( (well, at least from my history)


Or mayb....mayb things have changed and I could actually have BOTH at the very same time.


I know thing always change and happiness doesn't last. But plssssss, let me hold on with the happy time for a little longer........

Decision

We all have to make decision; big one, small one......... always.
Should I drive to work today? What if the traffic congestions get so bad? What if it rains?

Yes........ making decision always comes with "what if........."?

What if I choose that instead of this?
What if I I don't decide it right away?
What if I choose the wronf one?

what if....... what if and what if!


So jst pick the one that you would not regret with, pick the one that u want the most.


Like ysd, I realllllllllllllllllllllllllly want to go to Long Table, a nice pub and restaurant, near Asoke intersection, Sukhumvit 16.

But then... it appeared that if I jst skip the meeting with Ze' and the gang at Long Table, I could spend some more time with my crush-on.


Guess what, I chose to stayed with him. (hv I turned weird recently? I mean I picked spending my time with a guy in a boring office over hanging out with friends at such a cool place like ... Long Table!)
But I sooooooooooo don't regret that, I had such a veryyyyyyyyyy good time.

(wait a second........does this mean I am falling deeper...again??)


And now I always... ALWAYS ... think about him. I sooo look forward to seeing his face, peaking while he smiles, and talking to him.


This is not so good for me -,-
Pls don't push me down(both intentionally and unintentionally) ,


                     I don't wanna fall deeper... not yet.

Distraction

Distraction!!!!!!!!


The LAST thing I need when I want to concentrate.



The more I think about you, the less I can concentrate on law test T-T

I hate being stuck in a kind of situation like this.


Pls kha, if you are not serious, pls stop telling me how cute I am and how much u like those things I said.
Because those are making me fall...deeper and deeper.

And I am afraid that I am going to be the only one falling............

Weird nights...........

I'm freakin' out I guess... idk

But I am working now. Goshhhh I hate narrative writing; boring, time-consuming, nothing gooooooooooooood XP

Last couple of nights, I had such freakin weird dreams, that's why I hv been a bit paranoid lately I guess.
Paranoid, annoying, boring... all three of that. --"

Last night, i dreamed abt the sea, the beach, the island, ship... everything was good until.............
a freakin monster showed up. Come on, I mean I'm not a 5 year-old girl watching scary movies so that she gets a nightmare during sleep.
Even crazier to mention that, the monster was some combination of vampire with sth that hs wings --"

I went crazy I guess.......................

Pls, pls wake me up before september ends. Someone pls do.
Jst forget abt Green Day for a couple of minutes and do wake me up.

Good news vs new week ;D

Two big good newssss;

First one, I got a brand-new laptop ;DDDD HP Elitebook8440p. I mean it is a lot better than I expect.
If you don't set the expectation too high, it is not so hard for you to be happy with the result, u know...

Second, turned out he is straight :DD

These two things are definitely going to make me happy to the max during the whole week.
Plus, we are going to hang out this Sat, me and my girls. I'm looking forward to hanging out on weekends... as usual lol

But the good thing is I don't drink (even if I miss my b-52 shot, Bailey, vodka with lotta lime soooo bad)
nahhh drinking is not for me amymore !! not since sophomore year.

Plus, all you get from drinking is jst a blurry night, headache in the morning, anddddddddd weight gaining --"

Miss you J, wanna take you to Crepe&Co so bad.

Lazy Saturday

Thx god, no one found out that i hv a hidden blog used for writing down all my non-sense stuffs that jst pop into my head non-stop. -,-


except J ;P


Should we set a pw for it J?
but nah, i am so afraid that I would forget it so quickly lol
Things hv been slipping out from my mind a lot lately.


I hv become an obsessed stalker since yesterday..........around mm 8pm!

greeeze, a stalker -,- sooo not ok


w/eeeeeeee!

I'm going to prepare cabonara pasta now.

A crush on a gay guy?

Hm, this is so so soooo embarrassing and kinda unacceptable.

Guess what.................................!?!

I am afraid that I might have a crush on a gay guy!????!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
yeah, that's right.........a gay guy!

How on earth? Like what the heck ??


First thing to do; find out whether he is gay or not.
This one is really hard. ok, not that hard, jst hard to accept the fact.
He is gay..... because he uses hand cream, he doesn't just use it; he carries it out from home as well. Also, he uses lip balm T-T
Moreoverrrrrrrrrrrrrrr..... erm.. .. ..

Ok, I felt my heart broken --" already..........


Second thing, do i really like him?
ermmmmmmmmm hard to tell, but yesssss
Why on earth would the answer be no!?!
Another thing to consider is he is soooooooooooooo good.
And he is so cute ... and nice.
smart funny charming  ohhh w/e he is everything lol every thing nice ;D


ok,i'll get back to this one later

quotes quotes quotes

Do u wanna b the give-and-forgive girl? Cuz all the boys just get and forget!

Girls are like apples, the best ones are at the top. Most boys are too lazy to reach for, so they jst take those that are already on the ground, not as good but easy to get.

I wish mom had told me the same thing about guys as she did about ghosts; "Don't worry, they are all fake."



"Boys are immature, guys are jerks, gentlemen ... are rare."
"Mr. Right's coming.. but he's in Africa and he's walking!" -Oprah
"God created man before woman because you always need a rough draft."

Boys Are Like Toilets: Either Engaged, Unavailable, or Full of Crap
Boys Are Like Dogs: They Have To Be Trained
Boys Are Like Bank Accounts: Without Too Much Money, They Don't Generate Much Interest

Boys are like a peice of gum.. when they lose their flavor... you just pop a new one in!

Diet period...

After a diet period is over, holding your grudge seems even harder than that during the count-calorie-like-a-nut period.

So... damnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnn...

At least my weight is stable, thx god.
And I promise you, I'll do yoga and jogging !!

Plus, I'll try not to consume too much of those high-in-calorie-n-rich-in-taste food.


I am now wondering whether I'm a kind of weirdo lol
I like writing stuffs here on there on internet....BUT i don't really want my friends to read.
So... I hope those people who know me won't jst accidentally find this.

Gotta pee...................... -,-

New thing!!!!

Yay, I have new things to waste my precious time on.
This month new things : A LOT.

Also >> new blogger ID (inspired by JJ)

and new posttttttt ;D


New things for this month;
Bobbi Brown : Blush-Nectar (prefer my old Tawny anyway)
MAC : Studio Fix Foundation NC20 <3 <3 <3
Anna Sui : Eye Shadow, white pearl <3
Lancome : Gel Clarte (been using lancome face cleansing for...forever --")

Pleat Please by Issey Miyake : Lucent bibao 6*7 (THX JJ, <3<3<3<3)

Clothes from Workshop... a lot -,-

Shoes : StellaLuna, 117, rip curl flipflops

Shelf for misc. stuffs @ condo : Thx to mom and dad

Perfume : Burberry Brit (as a graduation gift)


A lotta graduation gifts; photos, bouquets, dolls --", fake flowers, photo flame, chocolate, etc...


hmmm, thats all