What I'd do to have to here...

I miss you like crazy and I wish you were here...

We talk...via phone.
We chat...via Whatsapp and Line.
We share...via facebook.

But damn, damn...damn! I wish you were here...near me now.


What I'd do to just have you here, holding me tight...getting through a night together.


ps. Mr.Flood has not yet come and I hope he never gets here. --"

Hurt & Missing piece

It hurts so freaking bad and I am so not freaking ok.

It has been more than a month and still, I feel like a part of me is missing.


So afraid to admit that you had become part of me, the problem is you were long gone and well... I miss that part of me!


It keeps getting worse and worse... I miss you more and more each day.
But I know you think of me less and less as hour goes by.



How do I survive this? Why can't I just hate you? Why are you haunting me?
What do I have to do to forget?

I just wanna let go.


Speaking of which, letting go had never been a problem for me. But with you, everything is different.

Maybe, a part of me knew that you would hurt me this badly since we first met. That is why it kept rejecting you. And yet you kept trying. At the end, the part was convinced that it was ok to let you in. But in reality, it never is ok.


And I was hurt, over and over again. I got weaker as time goes by. And when I needed you the most, you weren't there for me.


:(
...I cry almost every night...

Miss you . . .

If i admit that I miss you, does it mean that I lose?

Nah, it does not.


It might used to be like that when we were little kids; giving up silence and admitting something that the two of us do not want to.

But once you grow up, the line using to define whether you win or lose is not as clear. In fact, where is that line?


Despite all of that above, I am not saying that I want you back in my life. I just miss having the old version of you beside me.

I miss having you on the phone during late night when I want to bitch about thing that I could never tell anyone else.

I miss the way you comfort me with your warm hug when I feel so down.

I miss your serious face assuring me that I am not fat when I worry because I had been eating too much.

I miss those tender kisses on my cheek and the way you giggle when I give you pretend-to-be-mad face

...I miss everything about you.

What I really want you to know is not all those, I want you to know that you HAD ALWAYS BEEN WRONG and I HAD ALWAYS BEEN RIGHT.

And people DO change, including you.

I still care about you, no matter how much I do not want to. But it does not matter.

Nothing matters anymore.

Cold... Hurt... Painful

How could you be so cold to me?

Of all the ppl in my life, i trusted you very much that I actually believed that you were telling the truth... you told me that you would never let go off me.

And without any clue, u just ignored me and turned so cold to me.

Ain't we going to talk again?
Are you going to just forget everything we have had, and act like we never know each other?

What about time we have had together?


How could you do this to me??????????


You told me that you loved me, had me fell for you... and left me lost here...alone.

You are so cold.

Duh duh,,, duh !???!

And... duh.....................

Thing is not good, between me and you.

I told you not to contact me since Sunday afternoon.
Yet, you did.

Haven't I cried enough for you?
Haven't I been hurt enough by you?
Haven't you noticed it is too much for me to bear?


But anyhow, thank you for the LOVE4 concert; it was wonderful.
I thanked for the concert ticket, not for you being there w me.

It was obvious that you couldn't care less about me; leaving me there all by myself feeling unable to fit in.


So... I guess this is really good bye for us.
I would not want to be neither your girlfriend nor your sister...or even your friend anymore.


PS. OMG it's 1.11!!!!

New Year

A bit too late for new year...
no, actually very late for new year. lol


Some things got better, while some got worse.

New things for new year;
   Glasses
   external hard-disk
   Got hair-cut.....2 inches were gone!
   mouse for labtop
   Jewelries ... lotsss, very beautiful  and indeed, expensive
   stuff from Zara sales and Workshop

But between you and me, it hasn't been better. Can't say it got worse, but it is like ...
we stuck in the middle, can't either go backward or forward.
It has been like this since December.
I don't really know what to do.

I know I should try harder to stay away from you since it cannot be worse.
But sometime I just don't wanna to care and think about what and what not to do anymore.

Guess that explains why I stuck. Shit!


I wish it was that easy to erase memories about us,
I wish history could be undone,
I wish I was stronger...